Three Better Questions Than "Am I an Alcoholic?"
Here’s the thing: people who aren’t experiencing a problematic relationship with alcohol don’t usually find themselves reading blogs about it. So if you’re here—welcome. You’re in the right place.
The classic question, "Am I an alcoholic?" can be a real sticking point. It creates an imaginary line in the sand: on one side, your drinking is “bad enough” that you’ve been awarded the alcoholic label; on the other, you’re safely “not one,” so you can continue with business as usual. I’ve seen many people resist examining their drinking because they fear that accepting the “alcoholic” label means never drinking again—effective immediately.
Cue the panic: “What about that beach vacation?” “How will I toast at my cousin’s wedding?” “Will I ever have any fun again??” The fear of what you might lose often blocks honest self-reflection.
Changing your relationship to alcohol—and how you want to navigate that—is a personal decision. There’s no need to wait until things get “bad enough” that some invisible authority swoops in and tells you to stop. These changes have to come from within. And it’s never too early or too late to start asking questions. So instead of getting caught in the “Am I or aren’t I?” trap, let’s ask three more useful—and far less intimidating—questions.
1. Does my use align with my values?
Time to get introspective. Grab a pen (or open your Notes app) and jot down what truly matters to you—your values around health, relationships, career, and peace of mind. How do you genuinely want to show up in the world?
For example, if you value mindfulness and want to wake up early for a meditation practice, does that late-night “one more” support that? If you cherish deep, present conversations with loved ones, is alcohol enhancing those connections—or making you just a little less coherent?
Some people find their drinking habits were better suited to a chapter of life focused on having new experiences and socializing in large groups. As they move toward building a home or nurturing deeper relationships with a select few, their alcohol use may no longer feel aligned. That dissonance is worth noticing.
2. Is it doing what I think it’s doing?
Most drinkers feel deeply attached to their reasons for continuing to drink. They use alcohol to relax, socialize, unwind, celebrate, or simply enjoy a ritual.
But is it actually working?
Over time, that initial hit may lose potency. You need more to get the same effect, and what started as a way to de-stress may have you waking up in the middle of the night with heart-racing anxiety. The “social lubricant” might lead to oversharing on a first date—or total memory gaps where you weren’t in control of your decisions.
Be curious: Is alcohol still delivering on its promises, or has it become a habit that no longer serves your why?
Be as specific as possible here. If you feel you need it to celebrate, for example—how exactly does it enhance the experience? Who says that’s the only way? Might I have been sold this idea by someone who didn’t have my best interests in mind? Might there be another way to achieve that feeling? (I personally love a good faux-secco.)
3. Does a life without it feel impossible, unthinkable, or bleak?
If the idea of going without alcohol fills you with dread—or just seems inconceivable—that’s worth noticing. When something starts to feel like it has more control over you than you have over it, that usually points to a compulsive dynamic.
And just to say it plainly: alcohol is a drug. By its nature, it’s addictive.
Taking a break is an essential way to reset your neural pathways and reclaim your sense of choice. It’s not necessarily about forever; it’s about giving your brain space to recalibrate and letting you take the wheel again.
A Quick Word on Labels
For some, claiming the term “alcoholic” can feel empowering. It offers clarity, a sense of belonging in a recovery community, and a personal reminder that “just one drink” might not be an option. When we reclaim a label that has historically come with stigma or misunderstanding, it can actually foster a sense of control over the narrative—and even pride in what we’ve overcome.
If you're curious to explore further, AA offers a self-assessment quiz here: https://www.aa.org/self-assessment
If these questions stirred something in you—good. You’re not alone, and you are deserving of support as you take the next steps on this journey.
Whether it’s a licensed counselor or a free support group like Recovery Dharma, SMART Recovery, or AA, there are plenty of options. Many don't require you to quit drinking or adopt any label. (Though AA does ask for a "desire to stop drinking" to attend.)
Stay curious and open as you explore your relationship with alcohol—and, by extension, with yourself.
If you’re rethinking your relationship with drinking, you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out. Read more. Try a meeting. You get to decide what change looks like.
